I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
