Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
