If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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