Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
