I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
