Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
