I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
