I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
