I CAN MOONWALK!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
