the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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