Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had to cum in my sink.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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