Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
