If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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