Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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