THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
