ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
