she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
