i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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