I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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