My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.