I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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