Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
