Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
