i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
