my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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