fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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