I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
