don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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