I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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