Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
