I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
