Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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