my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
