the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
