i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
