I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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