Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
