Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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