I just threw up on my dentist
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
