I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
