I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
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Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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