Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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