I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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