You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
