Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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