too bad you live with your parents still
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
