Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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