dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
