no, he came in my armpit
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
