I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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