Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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