no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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