so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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