Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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