We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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