My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
