I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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