Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You pole danced in your parka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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