i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
