i already hear my dad disowning me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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