You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
