So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
