Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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