Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
