Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think your dad took our porno
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
